After unexpectedly becoming my husband’s caregiver at age 46 when he was injured by a roadside bomb in Iraq, I often thought that role was the exact opposite of that of a new parent . There was no benefit to exhaustion, loneliness, isolation and fear, or understanding that lack of sleep and anxiety would be the price of seeing a child grow and thrive. flourish in the joy of each new stage.
The only hope I had as a caregiver was that with time, my husband would start to get better. More than anything, I wanted a community of people who had already been down this path and who could reassure me, encourage me and tell me that everything I was feeling was normal. I needed people around me with whom I could relax and be myself.
Ten years later, social media has enabled a kind of connectivity many of us couldn’t have imagined. Platforms like Facebook have erased the geographic barriers of community and allowed people to find commonalities, without leaving their homes, which is incredibly convenient for so many people in caregiving situations.
A tribe for caregivers
In 2019, the AARP Family Caregivers discussion group was created on Facebook as a place where people can share, advise, connect and meet wherever they are. AARP care expert Amy Goyer is the group’s moderator, and she remembers when AARP first asked her to take on the role. Dad had died less than a year earlier and I was still trying to figure out life after caregiving, Goyer said. At first, I wasn’t sure if people would join the group and talk about these personal issues online, but I was eager to try. It gave me something new to focus on as a way to help other caregivers. I was delighted with the response!
Tips for participating in an online focus group
To join the AARP Family Caregivers discussion group, go to Facebook and request membership. (It’s free, of course, and only requires answering a question and agreeing to the group rules.) Remember: This is a private group and followers of your regular Facebook feed can’t see your posts unless they are also a member of the group.
- Post as much or as little as you want. Many members of the group post almost every day; others never publish and just read, listen and learn.
- Even if the group thrives on positive, supportive energy, it is perfectly acceptable to complain, vent, or vent frustrations about your caregiver situation.
- Share your joys and your triumphs; your healthcare colleagues need to hear about the positive things too!
- Join the Facebook live discussions that Amy Goyer hosts each month. They cover a wide variety of caregiving topics and all are archived in the Featured tab of the group page.
Goyer is a familiar voice and face to the group, constantly reaching out, guiding members, and posting questions that engage and connect. Her advice is drawn from her nearly 40 years of experience in the field of aging as well as as many years of caring for her grandparents, parents, sisters and other family members and friends.
It’s amazing to interact with some members of the same group for four years and watch them gain confidence over time, then step in and help another caregiver by giving them advice or tips, she says. I think many in the group feel like they’ve found their tribe.
Goyer also witnessed many wonderful and positive things. Interactions run the gamut, from providing emotional release and encouragement to those feeling burned out, to crowdsourcing solutions to caregiving issues, to creating new connections with others who are suffering. The group is private, so interested members must simply apply to join. This means that group members feel safe to share their frustrations or even express themselves. Just connecting with someone and feeling heard can be a great way to reduce stress, she says.
Goyer oversees the posts and interactions of more than 15,000 members and creates conversation starters, which are popular in the group. Recently, a woman asked for help rehoming her deceased mother’s six cats. At first, Goyer questioned whether or not this belonged on the page, but she ultimately decided it represented a very real problem in caregiving. When others responded, it really demonstrated how the group has evolved into a supportive and helpful environment, she said, adding that the group helped find homes for two of the cats.
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Image Source : www.aarp.org