A widow who lost her husband to suicide said he had an “incredible” ability to hide his true feelings, as she urged anyone else worried about a loved one’s mental health to “seek help.” ‘help “.
Victoria Wright, 36, from Nottingham, founded the mental health charity Riders Minds for riders with her late husband Matthew, after struggling with mental health problems for several years.
But tragically, Matthew took his own life at the age of 38 in February 2021, after the couple enjoyed a romantic Valentine’s Day dinner.
Speaking to FEMAIL two and a half years after his death, Victoria recalled how Matthew’s mental health had declined and she did her best to support him.
“To the outside world, they would never have known,” she said. “It was really amazing, the ability he had.”
Victoria Wright, 36, from Nottingham, founded Riders Minds – a mental health charity – with her late partner Matthew. The couple photographed with their three children
Victoria met Matthew when he was a competitive rider – who was “at the top of his game at the time” and had represented Great Britain at senior level.
The talented athlete was “charming and arrogant” and drew you in,” she said – even though she was “young and nowhere near his level.”
The couple eventually fell in love, married and had three children together.
Victoria said that although Matthew put on a brave face towards others, he was clearly dealing with insecurities and was “just putting more pressure on himself” as an athlete.
She admitted he would only “let her in” when it came to being vulnerable, meaning Victoria was the only one who could see how much he was facing.
The mother-of-three described how he would be ‘in pieces in the horse box’ but would act like everything was normal ‘the minute he took a step outside’, leaving her perplexed as to how he could compartmentalize his anguish.
“It was one of the hardest things to see him put on a fake mask,” she added.
Matthew hid his true feelings and emotions despite being outspoken about his mental health struggles in the public eye.
Victoria met Matthew when he was a competitive rider – who was “at the top of his game at the time” and had represented Great Britain at senior level. The couple photographed on their wedding day
Victoria said that although Matthew put on a brave face towards others, he was clearly dealing with insecurities and was “just putting more pressure on himself” as an athlete.
The rider had regularly blogged online about his struggles and insecurities, creating a safe space for others to come forward and seek advice.
According to Horse & Hound, he had even spoken openly about the anxiety and stress of overcoming his testicular cancer treatment.
But despite this, others wouldn’t have known just how much this father of three was going through.
And Victoria says that when it came to parenting, Matthew also hid his suffering from the children.
“He was an amazing father,” she said. “There were times when they noticed he was quieter, but he really kept that private side and swept it under the rug.”
He was so adept at masking his pain that everyone was shocked when Matthew died.
‘It made no sense [to other people]“, Victoria said. “I felt like I had to explain myself.”
As well as mourning her husband, Victoria highlighted the difficulty of talking to people about how he died, due to the stigma surrounding poor mental health.
She remembers that many people thought she was separated or divorced from her husband after learning she was a single parent. When she informed the others that Matthew had died, they thought he was suffering from a terminal illness.
“I felt like no one knew what to say to me,” she admitted. “People felt uncomfortable.”
Victoria also makes a point of talking about Matthew with her children, especially when she remembers the good times.
The mother also makes sure to remind them that what their father experienced is “always an illness”.
“He wasn’t feeling well and needed help,” she said.
“There’s probably more talk about mental health now, but not suicide prevention.”
The mental health campaigner encouraged anyone experiencing what Matthew (pictured horse riding with children) was going through – or worried about a loved one – to speak out.
Victoria revealed that it was by learning to approach this taboo subject herself, by talking about it, that she was also able to heal and ensure a legacy for her husband.
“I didn’t want to sit in a corner and rock,” she added.
The mental health campaigner encouraged anyone experiencing what Matthew was going through – or worried about a loved one – to speak out.
“It’s really a topic that no one wants to talk about,” she said.
‘Ask for help. This is a huge burden to shoulder. I never told anyone what was happening and I carried that weight myself… My biggest regret now is that I didn’t tell anyone.
“Silence is the most dangerous thing, and these are the simplest and hardest things to do.”
Victoria and Matthew established Riders Minds in 2019. The charity aims to “maintain good mental health, supporting those struggling with the stress of the equestrian industry, competitive pressures or those entering the horse riding as a form of escape, of pleasure, for their mental health. , or those who suffer from mental health problems.
For confidential support, call Samaritans on 116123 or visit samaritans.org
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