Sioux Falls therapist gains followers nationwide with relationship-focused approach

The car payment was late.

The rent was about to be too.

He was out drinking with his friends, not going to work, all the while saying he wanted to succeed.

Then Jason VanRuler literally looked in the mirror.

“I don’t like this guy at all,” he remembers thinking. “It just hit me. What you say and what you do are different.

It was far from an overnight transformation, but the commitment reflected in him was beginning to take root. That led the recruiter living in Minneapolis to his home in Sioux Falls, where he eventually became a therapist helping the people he once saw staring at him in that mirror.

From his Sioux Falls office, he sees clients struggling with relationships, addictions and other trauma. When he travels across the country or tunes in from home, he does the same therapy and coaching for well-known athletes and other celebrity clients – “those who are truly invested in growth and change,” did he declare.

From his Instagram account, he reaches 138,000 followers with quick snippets of relationship-oriented content like this:

“It’s all relational, but for me, coming from a business background and being very interested in business, I find myself working a lot with people who are founders, directors or leaders,” he said. “It’s something I talk about well because I understand some of their unique challenges.”

VanRuler’s own story begins with a childhood that saw his parents divorce when he was 8 years old.

“I went from being very stable to being very unstable, and it was really difficult for me,” he said. “I had never really experienced that, and it really stuck with me.”

He tried to do the opposite of what he thought was modeled, “and it didn’t work so hot,” he said. “I wasn’t a good partner. I didn’t know what I was doing and I wasn’t doing the right thing. I was not responsible. It wasn’t being an adult. I had run away from this thing.

When he met his future wife, “there was really a good reason to work because she was a very strong and stable person in my life,” he said.

This led him to invest in his education and, ultimately, into a therapeutic role that saw him work with people just released from prison, “people who have everything,” he said. “We are all so similar.”

He often asks his clients, “What is that thing from your past that keeps coming back and holding you back?” ” he said. “And we all have something. When we make peace with this…it truly opens doors that were previously closed.

This philosophy is at the center of a book VanRuler published this month. “Get Past Your Past” was promoted by his experience helping people make peace with what’s holding them back, “using it as a springboard to something better,” he said.

“This is the book I wish I had when I really needed it, but also a practical guide because in the therapy world we say things like “Do the work” or “Lean into it.” ”, and I’m pretty literal. and I always thought, well, what does that mean? What does the work? So I wanted to write a book to explain what that looks like.

In his daily practice, he hears a lot about communication, he says.

“How to properly manage vulnerability? How to show empathy and be a good listener? I think these are things that people struggle with,” he said. “Vulnerability is such a buzzword, but no one explains the nuances of it. Being vulnerable is more than sharing every thought or feeling. And some people come to me to learn how to do that better.

Post-pandemic, the relationship landscape has changed for many, he added.

“A lot of people are struggling, what do I really want? What is my purpose and where can I find joy? ” he said. “I see a lot of couples saying, ‘Just going through COVID has really exacerbated some issues that we’ve had for a long time, and now we’re in a place where we couldn’t have handled them for a while, but we we really need to take care of them.

Dating is a whole other issue, he said.

“It’s so cool for me to see the younger generation — they want to do it right — but it also works against them because they don’t know how to do that,” VanRuler said. “I talk to a lot of people about how to show up for a healthy relationship. What does it look like when I use apps to build relationships? And it’s really difficult.

When not writing, creating content, or seeing clients, VanRuler speaks nationally and has hosted a number of retreats, corporate workshops, and keynote speeches .

“What has become more and more important to me is developing a great community here,” he said of Sioux Falls. “It’s something I would teach people to do.” We’re at our best when we have a community, but Sioux Falls is also a strong contender with many cities. It may not always have been this way, but we have some incredible things to achieve.

To learn more about VanRuler’s new book, click here.